StopPATH WV

After FirstEnergy recently claimed that AEP "wants a billion dollar bailout" in their just plain ol' annoying amateur-hour commercials, AEP has upped the ante by claiming that FirstEnergy "wants a 7 billion dollar bailout."  What's next?  Will FirstEnergy claim that AEP wants a 14 billion dollar bailout and raise the bet in this silly game?

Who cares?  AEP gets bonus points for introducing the dreaded school lunch ladies to the fray (with a snapping glove for an extra shot of horror), and coming up with a better version of FirstEnergy's brain-dead message and using it to confuse people.  AEP = creative win!

Oh, but wait... FirstEnergy fires back with a placed editorial in their local paper whining about AEP's kickin' commercials.  Yes, we get it, AEP is now using your message against you, FE.  Wahhhh!!!  C'mon FE, you buncha wimps, we want to see some creative commercials.... get busy!

Update:  It appears FirstEnergy finally took a lesson!  See their newest commercial here.

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And now it's time for the entertainment section of this blog, currently featuring the corporate dogfight going on in Ohio between American Electric Power and FirstEnergy.  In our latest entertaining episode, we find the champion, AEP, grinning wickedly from their lemonade stand, while the challenger, FirstEnergy glares cluelessly from the opposite corner.

AEP has released a follow-up to their untruthful, but very entertaining, lemonade stand commercial.  The new commercial uses a game of dodge ball to paint FirstEnergy as a bunch of unfair bulllies beating up on poor, wimpy children.  AEP has also stepped up their game by petitioning to intervene in FirstEnergy's Ohio rate case, in order to become as much of a legal pest to FE as FE has been to AEP in all of AEP's recent rate cases. 

FirstEnergy attempted to make some improvements  to their sickly counter campaign.  They tried to come up with a memorable character/image that consumers could relate to that would give their campaign a boost.  In their two new TV commercials here and here, FirstEnergy bets the farm on a couple of annoying, cheezy, bad actors who are pretending (too hard) to be angry at AEP for "taking away their right to shop."  Apparently there really wasn't a winner to be found between Li'l CoalFella's molars, just a couple of chewed up landowners and ratepayers he has neglected to properly (and privately!) floss out since the PATH failure.  Perhaps some of the other FE flacks might find something in their own dental work that doesn't just annoy the living spit out of people.  It's worth a pick or two, because FE's current ad campaign is a big loser.

FirstEnergy should take a gander at the creativity and simplicity of AEP's messages and website.  It's simple, memorable, and although it isn't exactly humorous, it's creative enough to make people watch the ads, instead of just being annoyed by FE's whiny monologues, which make a person want to change the channel!

There's way too much junk on FE's website, and still no clear message.  AEP isn't taking away a "right to shop," they're just making it less profitable for FE when shopping occurs.  If FE wants to run an effective counter-campaign, they need to answer AEP's message, not create some other confused and angry message.

What FE needs in their campaign is a little humor, such as we previously suggested, by having the little lemonade waif cross the street and demand that Mr. First Energy suit pay up for selling on "her" corner.  To demonstrate the power of humor in effective messaging, and inspired by a chilled six-pack of Raging Bitch Ale, here are a few ideas Patience and I came up with:

1. Spark some retro satire!  Portray the AEP bigwigs as downtrodden, homeless panhandlers lined up on a busy city street (perhaps LittleDrummerBoy can play for spare change!) Suddenly, the little lemonade girl walks past them all, shedding a gigantic tear at how far they have fallen because of FirstEnergy's "unfair" practices, spoofing the iconic crying Indian.  Poor, poor AEP!  It's a crying shame!
   
2. FE needs to make their characters more sympathetic.  Instead of an annoying, nasal-sounding, "angry" woman in her fake-beautiful kitchen, how about some teddy bears, unicorns or funny clowns pointing out how AEP is ripping consumers off? Seniors and women love that stuff! Let's get happy here, FE!
3. How about portraying AEP as a masked cat burglar  going door-to-door, personally delivering AEP's monthly electric bill to unsuspecting consumers?  "This is a stick-up!" (hint:  get some talented actors, the ones you have now SUCK!)
4. Now, for AEP, here's an idea for your next commercial.  FE portrays themselves as the white knight whose only objective is to save consumers money.  How fast do you suppose FE would beat feet when there's not as much profit in re-selling your capacity?  FE pretends like they don't like to make money, but they're making a bundle at your expense, aren't they?
5. For both companies:  How about some face time with the CEO(s)?  After all, a little plain folks propaganda isn't too hard to pull off.  Have them show the public how they're "just like you," and  shed that "faceless corporation" identity you're carrying like a lead weight around your ankles.
6. FE: Why not show a little kid selling candy door to door, and this big, scary man comes up and lifts the kid upside down and shakes him 'til all his money comes out of his pocket?

And then, here are the commercials Ohio consumers should produce.  You know, ones that portray the REAL facts:

1. AEP's dodgeball commercial:  Start the commercial as is, however,  as the teams face off before the game starts, the sound mutes and action stops as the camera focuses on a quarter that falls out of someone's pocket and rolls slowly into the center of the gym floor, and lands, *Plink*. Sound and action suddenly resumes as both teams abandon the game and rush toward a new, greedy, vicious, individual battle to capture the wayward quarter and be the one to pocket it.
2. Another take on the dodgeball commercial: Start the commercial as is, but have an audience sitting on the bleachers. A referee blows the starting whistle for the game, and both the geeks and the jocks turn and pummel the audience (ratepayers, of course - keep up, people, keep up!).
3. The little girl at the lemonade stand gets into a real hair-pulling, scratching and biting fight with the big bad bully; but then they realize there's a crowd standing around watching and laughing their heads off. (And they all look like Keryn ...)
   

While watching these two claw and scratch is highly entertaining (and makes kissing and making up to partner on a reanimated PATH project much more unlikely), it isn't helping either company in their Ohio case.  Everyone still hates AEP and thinks they're greedy.  And nobody really cares to champion FirstEnergy's money-making "right to shop" schemes, either.  I'm gonna make a prediction here... PUCO is gonna split the baby and come up with a capacity price somewhere in the middle.  PUCO recently got caught with AEP's hand up their skirt and they're not going to end up with egg on their face again.  The public is ANGRY!  Unfortunately, neither one of these companies knows diddly-squat about harnessing that anger to champion their corporate profit-making cause.  First, they would have to make people relate to them and like them.... and that's never going to happen.  Corporations aren't people!!!  Perhaps the power companies should get busy forming more fake grassroots "coalitions" to testify for them at PUCO.  Oh wait, that doesn't work either!  Too bad, so sad.  Fight on, fellas, we're enjoying the show!

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How many times can one corporation contradict themselves in one short week?  At least three, if you're AEP.

If you've been reading along here, you'll remember that at their earnings call last week, AEP told analysts that they had a "great quarter" despite good weather (AEP loves them some climate change extremes!) and substantial customer switching in Ohio.  New CEO LittleDrummerBoy said that "demonstrates the value of the diversity of AEP's service footprint." 

Then on Monday, LDB told stockholders at AEP's annual meeting that they were undertaking a "repositioning of assets for a more sustainable fuel mix."  LDB pledged that coal will make up no more than 50% of AEP's generation assets by 2020.

Just yesterday, LDB told the U.S. Chamber of Commerce that gas-fired generation is up 24% and that is a problem because gas prices are "volatile."  He pleaded for the feds to slow down the phase out of coal because AEP needs time to "transition their fleet."  This is only because AEP has been dragging their feet and attempting to change reality instead of making smart business decisions. 

Cue the irony!  "Betting on just one fuel to power our energy future isn’t smart,” opined LDB.  Really?  Isn't that how AEP got themselves into their current sticky predicament?  AEP's heavy bet on coal to power the majority of the company's generation portfolio, despite clear evidence that coal-fired generation was expected to become more expensive, was "betting on just one fuel," wasn't it?

AEP just "doesn't make sense," in a white hug me jacket kind of way, if you know what I mean... 

Dominion has cooked up a way to get into your child's public school and indoctrinate them into a lifetime of power consuming sheep-hood by giving away free tree seedlings.

Dumbinion's "Project Plant-it" allows them to infiltrate schools to gather the little children for an assembly about the importance of trees.  Yup, kids, you're going to need a lot of trees to counteract Dominion's effect on your environment.

“This was a great event today,” said Suyapa Fields of Dominion. “These kids were really excited and enthusiastic and it’s just the type of response we like to see.”

Yes, I'm sure it is.  Dumbinion has their glowing finger stuck in a lot of subliminal pies.

Meanwhile, Duh-minion continues to foolishly squander the goodwill of many affected landowners all along the 100-mile length of  their Mt. Storm - Doubs rebuild project by using Allegheny Energy's "Godzilla on the way to Tokyo" transmission line building best practices to get the job done.  If you've got a Duh-minion story to share and would like to join our group of affected landowner watch dogs, email me.  Just saying, "We're not PATH!" isn't cutting it any longer, when Duh-minion's actions are indistinguishable from PATH's.

Schadenfreude:  pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune.

The schadenfreude was so thick you could cut it with a knife at AEP's Q1 2012 Earnings Call on Friday morning. 

Akins (LDB) set the tone by saying, in effect, that FirstEnergy is "un-American."

"And if it's at the company's expense, it's tantamount to taking capacity value that the company is committed for a 3-year period to PJM to run and giving it to competitors to subsidize the acquisition of our customers, which sort of seems a little bit un-American to me. It's really not competition, it's more a confiscation."

And it was all downhill from there...  Most of the questions centered around the Ohio Charlie Foxtrot so enjoy the schadenfreude in the Q & A section.  Although all the stuttering isn't evident in the transcript, the meaningless buzzwords that these prevaricators use as a crutch are prevalent ("optionality" "repositioning" "volatility" "a transition that makes sense" - hey, that was Mikey's line about the EPA rules - remember, anything that's not beneficial to AEP's bottom line doesn't "make sense.")

Overall, AEP is looking pretty sad!  Revenue is down because of customers dumping AEP and a mild winter (even Mother Nature hates AEP!)  Prices and demand are down for AEP's dirty coal power and gas use is up 26%.  Ut-oh, AEP, pretty crappy planning there, don't ya think?  Read a summary here.

AEP says that pulling the wool over the eyes of the PSC and legislature in WV regarding "securitization" is much easier than it is in Ohio.  Somehow $325M of fuel debt inflated to $400M of "fuel debt" during the earnings call.  The difference is all the unrelated debt APCO tossed into their WV "securitization" amount of $400M.  West Virginia = proud to be AEP's patsy cash cow!

"We have a similar situation in APCO West Virginia where we have nearly $400 million of deferred fuel that we are filing to securitize there. And think we're on a faster track to be able to securitize that close to $400 million than we are in Ohio."

And don't miss the part where LDB starts talking about "designer coals."  That's just what AEP needs -- fashionable, expensive coals that make people desperate to power their homes with only the best!

It's payday, friends!  Since the only payment I receive for doing this is laughter, the really good can't-catch-your-breath-tears-streaming-down-your-face kind, I not only got well paid today, I think I may have also gotten my yearly bonus!

FirstEnergy responded to AEP's lemonade ad by setting up their own special website and launching a print and radio campaign.  Yeah, yeah, I know li'l CoalFella said FirstEnergy had no plans to respond, as recently as Tuesday, however it appears that we have inspired him with our cheerful singing!  FirstEnergy also says that they have no plans for a TV commercial at this time (they're still probably trying to convince Tony the Trickster to play the mob boss).

So anyhow, go visit FirstEnergy's little website, www.forelectricsavings.com  Too bad, forreliablepower.com was already taken, but at least they're sticking with their "for" theme.  What's next?  formanyyearsofpayingforourdeadpathproject.com?  I can't wait!

Li'l CoalFella's new website has all kinds of fun stuff on it.  Hear the bitchy-sounding radio commercials, email the PUCO, or sign li'l CoalFella's petition!  Remember way back when li'l CoalFella's PEAT group had a petition on their website?  It was hard, but I resisted signing it with made-up names.  Not so for a bunch of other people, or so I hear.  So, have fun everybody!  Perhaps we should initiate a contest for the most creative made-up name that gets published on li'l CoalFella's petition?

Ironically, li'l CoalFella and his FirstEnergy co-workers now want you to "Stand up and fight!" after years of trying to get you to sit down and shut up about their PATH project.  Isn't that refreshing?  I'm glad they've finally seen the light and picked up a few pointers from us over the years.

Keep singing!  Perhaps we'll see a TV commercial soon...

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You know what they say, AEP, idle hands are the devil's workshop!  While we sit around twiddling our thumbs waiting for PATH's abandonment, there's so many other fun things to pass the time! 

For example, we can wonder if Akins (aka LittleDrummerBoy) explained to the brown-nosers in Danville that half of that $25,000 scholarship he presented to Averett University would be recovered from those same concerned ratepayers who made electric rates "a major talking point" in Virginia's state-wide political races.

That's right, Virginia has recently seen fit to allow Appalachian Power to recover up to one-half of their charitable contributions from captive electric ratepayers, therefore, $12,500 of that "generous" scholarship is going to come out of the pockets of consumers.

LDB also told the folks in Danville a bunch of other fairy tales that I'm not going to bother with, and took a few boring swipes at the EPA.  LDB, you're boring and way too easily debunked.

Completely unrelated, except in its capacity to embarrass AEP, check out these two pages excerpted from one of AEP's subsidiary FERC filings, which I unfortunately found myself poring through as a favor to someone else recently.  AEP executives' "Personal use of company aircraft," "Personal use of executive dining room," and "Financial counseling and tax preparation" that ended up being funded by consumers probably weren't topics on LDB's Danville agenda either.  Oh yes, AEP, poor, poor, pitiful you!

Nuke some popcorn and pull up a comfy chair, it's time for the PATH parent company freak show!  AEP and FirstEnergy are engaged in some serious bitch-slapping and hair pulling over serving customers in the quasi-deregulated state of Ohio.  AEP wants PUCO to set higher prices for the use of their distribution system to serve former customers who have switched to FirstEnergy's lower rates.

AEP has begun airing a television commercial that portrays the company as a cute, little, pig-tailed cherub selling lemonade who is cheated by by a mean, old guy in a business suit (representing FirstEnergy).  If FirstEnergy is allowed to supply electricity at lower rates, "thousands of jobs would be destroyed!"  Honestly, fellas, you make me laugh!  Watch AEP's commercial here.

According to the article in The Dispatch, Doug Colafella, spokesman for Akron-based FirstEnergy, said his company is not planning any response ads at this time.  Awww.... c'mon, li'l CoalFella, you're not going to take that lying down, are you?  Don't you want to air your own commercials showing little miss pig-tails removing her mask to reveal a mafia boss who crosses the street and demands that Mr. FirstEnergy Suit pay up for selling lemonade on "her" corner?  You've even got in-house talent so you wouldn't have to pay actors.  I would suggest any of the characters on this web page for the part, especially the one at the top of the page -- would he make the perfect "godfather," or what?

Don't get discouraged, li'l CoalFella, you can do it!
 
Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

Sing it with me, li'l CoalFella!  I'm sure you can dig up a real winner if you just put your mind to it!

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CleanTechnica, who prides itself on being "the most-visited clean energy or cleantech news site in the world" that "share[s], and inspire[s] others to share, correct information on cleantech and its dirty competitors (there’s a lot of misinformation out there)," got ironically fished in by one of the biggest energy industry scams in Washington.  Yesterday, they published an analysis of PJM's 2011 State of the Market Report, to show gains in renewables and demand side management, and a drop in coal-fired resources.  While that part of the article could certainly be fairly argued with (and is, by many flat earth cavemen), CleanTechnica loses all credibility when it finishes up by quoting The COMPETE Coalition as a "group of 622 U.S. electricity industry stakeholders advocat[ing] for competitive electricity markets," and refers to one of COMPETE's PR spin opinion pieces as a "report."  So much for "correct information."

The COMPETE scam isn't even that hard to figure out.  The truth is readily available for any reporter who wants to spend a few minutes doing something more than copying & pasting text from a website.

Here's what the COMPETE Coalition is really all about:  It is a corporate-funded lobbying group intended to protect its Board of Director's generation revenue monopolies, including revenue derived from Reliability Must Run (old, dirty, generation) contracts and new coal-by-wire transmission projects.  I'm sure it's perfectly legal to pretend the coalition is a 501(c)6 trade association with a membership that pays "dues," and not an organization whose sole purpose is lobbying for their own financial interests.  The coalition accomplishes this under the guise of supporting competition in electricity markets, which is the exact opposite of their true goal.  While the APPA article linked below has more general information about COMPETE's overall scam, a recent example of coalition chicanery would be COMPETE's deployment of shills to interfere in New Jersey's LCAPP hearings.  COMPETE claims that RMR contracts and transmission lines produce cheaper electric rates than building new, competitive generation in high-priced markets, like New Jersey's.  This isn't true at all.  In the case of new transmission lines, for instance, the cost of the project is subsidized by ratepayers in 13 other states, making New Jersey's cost of new transmission to satisfy load deceptively "cheaper" only through creative accounting.

The COMPETE Coalition fairy tale was deconstructed in the publicly-filed Formal Challenge to Potomac-Appalachian Transmission Highline's 2010 Transmission Revenue Requirement.  The Challenge (complaint), which was filed by two concerned ratepayers with the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission in December 2011, had this to say about COMPETE:

Click here to read more and see full, linkable content

There's plenty of new reading waiting for you over on the citizens' Coalition blog!

Electric consumers are fed up with the gigantic for-profit energy conglomerates, and a day of reckoning is fast approaching.  The status quo will change.

I came across this article recently.  In it, the author claims that, "utility customers are mad as hell."  He's right, but he also thinks that he can fix that for any willing corporate benefactors.  In fact, he can't.  While he does make one interesting observation down near the end of the article, he's about as clueless as his financiers.

Egan says, "Utilities have the tools and opportunities to respond effectively when they are targeted by guerrilla protests, but utilities face significant organizational challenges. Historically, they have been unable to move as quickly as protesters and are uncomfortable with the kind of direct confrontation espoused by activists."

This is a correct statement, and a weakness we discovered and exploited early on in the PATH battle.  I disagree that they "have the tools to respond effectively" though.  PATH was left with drool dripping off its collective chinny, chin, chin on numerous occasions.  My personal favorite was watching them stare in disbelief from behind the lobby doors as we marched onto the sidewalk in front of their Frederick office 10 minutes before their "media event" that we weren't supposed to know about, and the press came running like Pavlov's dogs.  Their ineffective response was to attempt to strong-arm the press away from us.  Wrong!  It set the tone for what was ultimately a complete and utter public relations failure in Frederick County, Maryland.

The PATH project ignited a fire in the hearts and minds of thousands of citizens in three states.  Other unneeded transmission boondoggles have had the same effect in other states. 

Constant electric rate increases that result in increased corporate profit have also awoken a sleeping giant.  In Ohio, PUCO's recent tossing out of AEP's rate increase served only to empower the consumers.  AEP and PUCO will never be able to stuff that genie back in the bottle.  AEP is now a dead man walking in their home state. 

West Virginia consumers are joining forces in record number in response to out-of-control rate increases and a lack of utility performance.

In Boulder last year, the citizens voted to kick energy giant Xcel to the curb and form their own municipal utility.

America is fed up with the corporate elite in general.  We know who you really are, and what you're really doing.  We're never going back to subservient ignorance of your money-making machinations to manipulate the masses.

The consumers are mad as hell.  Changes are coming.  The utilities can adapt or face extinction.  We're not going to take it anymore.