AEP has finally officially handed the corporate drumsticks to The Little Drummer Boy, announced a staggering 3rd quarter profit, and packed Mikey into his Popemobile for one final journey to Filthy Rich Retirement Acres.
First let's talk about AEP's new CEO - Little Drummer Boy Nick Akins.
“I grew up wanting to be a rock star,” he said.
He played drums in the high-school band and idolized Neil Peart, the drummer for the Canadian rock band Rush."
Don't be fooled by all that "humble beginnings" drivel, our pal Nick raked in over $3.4M in compensation last year while senior citizens and single parents in 11 states struggled to pay their ever-increasing AEP subsidiary electric bills. Nick's long since forgotten where he came from.
Who besides the Columbus Dispatch reporter dreams of future corporate hijinks where the rhyming Nick and Rick trade places for a week, ala Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills in The Parent Trap? Sadly, this interview is probably the highlight of this reporter's career. The evil twin, switching identities thing has been overdone ad nauseam. Remember Jeannie and her evil twin, Jeannie? How about Samantha and her evil cousin Serena? I suppose this will come in handy for future Little Drummer Boy double-speak though -- he can just blame any future gaffes on evil twin, Rick, who doesn't know diddly squat about running a utility.
But it will hardly matter, because Mikey is going to hang around as Chairman of the Board and breathe down The Little Drummer Boy's neck instead of signing up for Mahjong down at the Senior Center. Some people just can't let go, can they? Maybe that's because AEP's earnings were up 67 percent in the 3rd quarter.
"Waves of extreme heat in both the eastern and western U.S. were good for power demand and for AEP, said Michael G. Morris, chairman and CEO.
"We had solid financial performance in the third quarter, with load created by warmer-than-normal weather," Morris said in a statement.
AEP said its results also benefited from a Texas Supreme Court decision worth $425 million that allowed the company to recover some costs related to retail competition."
Only Mikey could get so excited about extreme weather caused by all his stinking, coal-fired dinosaurs and wresting millions from Texas electric consumers while also simultaneously crying "poor me" to Congress about how the EPA is causing the financial ruin of AEP and driving up electric rates with new air pollution rules.
Mikey gets a few last words in before his impending November 11th date with doddering destiny during AEP's Q3 Earnings call:
"We think that the order on RITELine by the FERC was an appropriate order. It has reasonable rates of return, not the high numbers that we saw in the early undertakings and joint venture transmission plays through the FERC. But reasonable for sure, north of 11%, we think is a great place to put money to work.
Our well discussed and brought forth Transco project concept in our traditional service territory is also on a pretty reasonable path. We'll be north of $1 billion invested some time in calendar year 2012. We will continue to see pretty substantial earnings strength from those activities by improving the reliability and the intellectual capacity of our energy delivery system in our traditional service territory. So we really feel good about the things that are going on there."
Intellectual capacity of an energy delivery system? ??? Oh, poppycock, Mikey! Isn't there a glass of warm milk and a dribble bib waiting for you somewhere?
Nick, you should have gone with the rock star thing instead. Just sayin'.